Category: the Rant Board
Hi all.
Why is it that people in general don't understand that sighted people can love a blind person? or at least date them?
You get that all the time, what is this guy doing with a blind girl, or vise versa.
Anyone have thoughts on this subject?
It really annoys the hell out of me that people can be that shallow minded!
I've not had much luck with the Blind Community, so I'm looking for anyone. Sighted or not, yeah.
Frankly because sighted people or people that feel they are able, don't like disability.
They feel, why does an abile person need to choose one that has disabilities, when they have a large choice of abled, or what are believed to be, abled persons?
It always amuses me.
I was married to a seeing woman for years, and often men would come over and talk to her as if I was her brother.
They offer her their phone numbers, ask her to dance, ask her out, you name it.
Others, women mostly, figured she was my care giver if we were shopping.
Now when I date a seeing woman, I explain she shouldn't get uptight about it, because it is funny to me.
People even ask me now, "When is your care giver coming back to help you?" Or, "what is your assistants name." Lol
No matter how many times I explain, she's not my care giver, but my date, girl friend, it doesn't matter.
Just life. Smile.
hmmm that story made me want to vomit. People are ignorant
Oh, the soap box I could go on about this. But here's the short answer. Because society generally views blind people as lesser, or broken, so from their warped view, why would anyone choose a broken, lesser person as a partner? Screwed up, and not right or fair, but reality. It is very frustrating though, I know.
I'll add, it happened to me as a young person in college.
I thought about it.
Did I want to take offense, or understand it. I decided, I could understand it, because the person I was with was not only going home with me, but was with me, not them.
It mainly happened, and happens now, when out enjoying an evening or, shopping. It isn't worth my evening to get mad.
I've had sighted girls get tired of correcting people. I told them they would.
It also happened with my X wife's mother.
All the things she warned her daughter about never happened.
In fact, her daughter ended up living way better then her mother. Smile.
So, at the end of the day, I don't care.
I think many of your average sighted slobs on the street see us blind people as children trapped in adult bodies. We are viewed as incapable of normal human relationships and are probably seen as about as sexy as a traffic accident. We are also probably seen as being asexual. Just ignore them and live your life, don't even try to prove anything to them, they don't want to hear or see it.
To the original poster, I'd be curious to know what angle you're coming at this from. Are you the blind person who is loved by a sighted one, or the sighted person who loves someone who is blind? Or neither, but just know this is how it works? I'm curious what prompted you to post this.
I know that for years, I had not given a thought to the difficulties that would face a sighted person who was with a blind one. I only thought of it from the blind person's side...my own side, basically. It wasn't until I made friends with a couple where the husband was blind and the wife sighted, and started going places with them as a couple that I saw it's not always easy for a sighted partner. People looked at this woman like she was either a saint and martyr for taking care of the blind guy, or the biggest idiot on the planet for choosing to marry him. The guy was a very independent traveler, and very capable. So when we'd all be out someplace and he'd get up to go to the bathroom, or wherever he needed to go, people were just shocked that his wife didn't guide and hand-hold him everywhere. She was called out on it several times, like, why aren't you taking better care of him? If he did need her help, she'd get comments like, "You're such a good woman to take care of that poor blind man." It would infuriate her and she'd have to either decide to try to educate the ignorant idiot who was making comments, or leave it alone. It was my first glimpse into the fact that by choosing to be with a blind person, that sighted partner ends up taking on some of our struggles, only from their own angle of things. I had never considered that before. I realize this is not limited to blindness. I'm sure the hearing partner of a person who is deaf would get this, or the partner who can walk who might be with someone in a wheelchair. Basically, anytime you get an able-bodied person as the partner of a disabled one. I'm sure in their own ways, it's as frustrating for them as it is for us.
I have to admit that growing up I never personally dealt with this issue. I've never dated a sighted person. I came close at one point but it just wasn't meant to be I guess. Now I am married to a blind person so my own view is limited on this topic. However, I know many blind people who have gotten shot down by a sighted person. My whole thing is just avoid the ignorance. Why involve yourself with someone who doesn't want you?
I'd have to agree with EVERYTHING that Alicia has said, and I want to assure you that not
all sighteds are so narrowminded that they only see the blind and visually impaired
community the way she's stated at #5 and how Godzilla on Toast has said at #7.
I'm sighted and married to Ed_G. If you told me 20 years ago that I'd be married and
married to someone who is blind, I would have told you that you're crazy... not because
the fact that I was married to someone who is blind (I'd rather deal with a blind person
than a paraplegic who is confined to a wheelchair... this is my personal preference and not
meant to be a dis to paraplegics in general) but rather the fact that I was going to be
married... I am kind of a wallflower and seriously never thought that I'd ever get married.
Anyway, when we first met (via his email in response to a post I'd made on the American
Federation for the Blind website), it didn't really "click" in my head that he is blind... it
was brought up once or twice in the beginning, but for the most part, it wasn't the most
important thing in our relationship.
I have to thank you lot for allowing me to belong here and also for helping me with some
of the lingo and assistive tech available out there (Jaws etc) so that I didn't sound so
much like your average sighted slob when talking to Ed.
Since I'd had first-hand experience dealing with someone with low vision (i.e. my Mother),
it was easy for me to forget that Ed_G is blind. I took my experiences with my Mom and
adapted them for life with Ed.
Anyway, I've come to find that you lot are way better than the negative stereotypes out
there and please, please, pretty please NEVER let anyone tell you otherwise.
You are definitely just as smart/stupid/cool/square/mean/nice/capable/useless etc as the
sighted people I talk to online, and I apologize for the negative experiences and
assumptions that my fellow sighteds have made towards you.
I admit I've never really experienced descrimination from a romantic point of view. I've dated both the blind and the sighted, and I have very fond memories of relationships in both camps. Now I'm happily married to a sighted woman and we have a little girl - also sighted. We do experience people talking to my wife rather than me. It doesn't happen much. Either she or I will say something to the effect of, well he's right here, why not ask him? It is frustrating, though for the most part I just don't care.:)
Salut, Remy!
Ed and I have the same problem. When we're out and about, I'll usually nudge him forward
or give him some clue that it's his turn to be served so that he can start talking. I do find it
annoying when they automatically start talking to me, but I try not to get bent out of shape
about it.
When we're at a restaurant and about to pay via Interac, I'll invariably nod towards Ed so
that when the server is ready to hand the PIN pad over, they'll give it to him.
I'm like BlindGuardian in the sense that I have fond memories from both camps. I've also had people bitch at my sighted girlfriends in the past because they weren't hand-holding and stuff; thankfully they were both the sort of people who'd stick up for themselves, and it was never too terribly awkward as far as I know.
I know some blind people who'd never date a sighted person, and I know some sighted people who'd probably never date a blind person. I think that anyone saying this is automatically putting up a pretty large barrier. I mean okay, you have your preferences I guess...but why are those preferences based on sight, or a lack thereof? I am especially impatient, in fact, with blind people who don't ever want to date sighted people. You know something? If you're dating a sighted person, hopefully you've done your homework and figured out they're not one of that sadly large group who'll write us off or make too many assumptions. And if you're dating a sighted person who is demonstrably okay with your being blind, then all the other baggage can be dealt with. If you're worried that he/she does more than you do, catches more stuff around the house than you do, etc., then figure out a system. Don't let the fear of that happening to you stop you from dating outside your comfort zone.
Regarding the original post, I do think it's kind of humiliating and short-sighted, yeah. That being said, let's say a particular sighted person is an athlete, and really really wants an athlete for a partner. Someone who'll go on marathon runs with them, or play on their co-ed softball team, or even someone who's okay to drive the return trip from a tournament (or anywhere else) because they're exhausted. If they don't really want to be with someone who doesn't tick their boxes, that alone doesn't make them an idiot. It's no different than me saying I don't really want to end up with a woman who loves to travel all the time, or that I don't want to end up with a woman who hates reading and loves bubblegum pop music. Preference matters, and sometimes being blind means we simply can't do certain things, and are thus going to be off the radar of some people. I think getting upset with this is pointless.
I've actually known more blind people that would not date a blind person, over blind people that would not date a sighted person.
Now that is quite interesting
I thought so too.
If they can help it, all their dates will be seeing.
I have a friend that is now married to a seeing woman who avoided hooking up with a blind woman.
He is not the only one either.
Thanks for posting, Westcoast Kate. I'm glad we have people like you who can give us the experience from the other side. And you're right, not all sighted people view us this way. You are proof of that, as are many others. I think sometimes we get overly harsh and generalize about sighted people because of what we experience, but that's no more fair than the generalizations and judgments that are made about us.
I've met blind people of both stripes, who would only date other blind people, or who would only date sighted ones. Again, that's personal choice, but like Gregg said, putting up a heck of a barrier to your pool of possible choices in partner. I've only ever dated blind men, but that's not been by design. I've always felt that I'd fall in love with someone for far more important reasons than their visual acuity. If they also happened to be blind, fine, if they happened to be sighted, that was fine too. However, none of the sighted men I've ever had an interest in returned that interest. Pretty much in all cases, they were fine being friends with me, and they treated me as an equal as far as friendship went, but had absolutely no interest in making the blind girl/woman a romantic partner. I was disappointed multiple times when I was younger, not so much because a sighted guy didn't take interest, but more just because my feelings were not returned. Rejection hurts no matter who its from. Though now that I'm older, I do think it's interesting that absolutely no sighted guy over the years returned those feelings. I do think I have experienced what Becky would call dating discrimination, only in a very quiet form.
but in the end, that's ok, because all that led me to be with my fiance Mark now, and I wouldn't trade that.
This isn't so much a blind/sighted issue as it is an example of mate selection. It is based on choices and perceived traits that the other person desires.
Been there a few times myself. A few eyars back I was with a Hispanic girl and I know there were a lot of people who thought she was with me so she could get her papers. Of course they couldhave had no way of knowing she was born and raised in Idaho but still. Then again a lot of my significant others have been sighted and there were a lot of absurd guesses as to who that woman with me was, from an extended family member to a caregiver and once even my mom. This last when I was 26 and she was 29. LOL. Of course it doesn't help that I certainly don't look my age, to the point where I was recently carded at the Karaoke bar I frequent, not by one of the employees (who in any case know me pretty well), but by a fellow patron. But it amazes me how often sighted people can't seem to conceive of the idea that a blind person might just be hanging out with a significant other or even just a friend out in public.
Hi all. Well in reply to your opinions, I like what you have said. No my mom feels that a sighted person should not be with a blind person. :)
hi there. well mom doesnt' think a sighted person should not be with one like they made the wrong choice.
Ah, your post makes more sense. This kind of logic is even more frustrating when it comes from family members. I have to say, if you're blind yourself, your mom's logic is very skewed from what the parents of most blind people think. My parents, as well as the parents of pretty much all of my blind friends, wanted us to only be with someone sighted, so they could take care of us. Some of my family was bold and/or stupid enough to say it that way straight-out. Other family members tried to disguise it under phrases like, "It would just be so much easier for you. You wouldn't have to worry about how you were going to get places, or read things..." and the list goes on. But under it all, the message was the same: so they could be my eyeballs. Um, no, I think not. My family wised up over the years, thank God, but only after we got into several pretty heated discussions about this.
However, if you're sighted and choosing to be with a blind person, her logic, while wrong, makes more sense. She's probably worried you'll wind up as a caretaker, not really a partner. And, some blind people do use their sighted partners as nothing more than a ready set of eyes, which is pretty lousy in my opinion. But many do not. In the end, it's up to you who you should be with, not your mom.
Agreed. Your mom will not be around forever. We all must cut the apron strings at some point.
And all I ever wanted was a set of breast. Guess I was shooting for less then was possible.
Your Mom is crazy... I'm sighted and I am with a blind guy.and I don't think that I have
made a bad/wrong choice. I've dated sighted men who would have been a bad/wrong
choice if I ever got married to them.
For all the things Ed cannot do because he is blind, there are a whole heck of a lot that he
CAN do, and better than I can at that!
He is a stronger swimmer than I am - I'm afraid of the water, but I still go swimming and
have a SCUBA license.
He's good at remembering telephone numbers and dates and sports scores/trivia, while I
am decent with dates and phone numbers, I'm not as quick as he is in remembering them
and the sports trivia is beyond me most of the time.
He got better grades than I did in school and he turned down offers from some very good
universities... I struggled and only really went to community college.
He's generally tidier/more diligent about things than I am... I still do all of the housework
(vacuuming, washing windows etc), but he is very good about hanging up his suit in his
closet when he gets changed after work.
I personally think that Ed's blindness is just a technicality that we have no choice but to
learn to work around (I had a huge learning curve at the beginning, and inadvertently
walked him into a brick wall and a pillar all within 6 months of our first face to face
meeting)... I figure that there are a lot worse things that could be quote wrong with being
with him unquote than just him not being able to see. I married him for who he is and
not for his disability... he's got a good heart and a good sense of humour and he is kind....
please don't tell him I said that bit about his sense of humour or it'll go to his head.
Smile.
Okay. Ed, you didn't read what Kate said.
Ed, you didn't read what Kate said.
I have heard the way to a woman's heart it to make her laugh.
Ed, you didn't read that.
Hahaha.
I'm so glad that my parents never put any impediments like that into my path. They were happy with my partner as long as my partner wasn't hurting or upsetting me. My mom was (and still is) a little overprotective about me getting hurt, in a way a lot of moms are, but I can assert myself and she listens...about ninety percent of the time. Heh. Regarding my partners, my parents have only ever thrown smoke about the fact that it was a long-distance relationship (again, my mom, my dad's pretty chill actually), and even then she wasn't terribly rude about it.
I'm not dating Meglet because she's blind. I'm dating her because she's Meglet and she's awesome.